ASLI Nuggets April 2025

Her mind went back to her arrival in this then unknown place. The beginning of a new chapter in her life. She remembered the mental, emotional confusion with its expectations, doubts, apprehensions. She had stepped into a different setting with its own different way of life . She had asked herself if she in her sunset years would be strong enough to face the challenge such a decision would surely bring up before her. She tried to visualise the course of her life built on the experiences in this new world.

Because of the physical distance the frequent meetings, interactions with her siblings, the rest of the family, friends, the shared experiences were no longer possible. There was also the fact that everyone’s priorities had changed with the passage of time…..the new responsibilities, commitments in the immediate family .The equations had changed. The intensity of those ties had perhaps become weaker.

Kavya’s mind moved forward to her changed life pattern. The new connections, friendships. She tried to understand their place in her world. Had these replaced the relationships of her earlier life, she wondered. Or did they coexist? As she reflected, she realised how complex relationships are. One could not be erased and substituted, replaced with another. This was not simple mathematics. When she moved in here, she thought she was too old to form new friendships. She had only expected a formal social pattern of relationships without much depth. In a limited sense increased socialisation, however superficial, she thought, would ease her sense of loneliness. One of the considerations behind her decision was the possibility of such interaction in this new setting, not marked by the isolation of modern, urban life. Particularly after the outbreak of the covid pandemic people were like divided, separate islands, almost like strangers, fearful of any contact.

The utmost she could hope for in a community of this kind was some nominal kind of social association. Nothing beyond that. But gradually her perception about such a life changed. The day to day exchanges- smiles, greetings, even the nod of the head in acknowledgement of one another’s company she realised could make a difference. She would look forward to meeting these people. Getting used to the company of the others in the place, she would look out for a few faces, smiles and miss them if she failed to see them. She formed teams with some of them for cultural activities, enjoyed the team spirit. Many of them were no longer mere acquaintances.

In fact, her definition of ‘acquaintance’ itself changed. She sat in deep thought analysing this relationship which began to acquire a new meaning, significance. Kavya began to understand how complex human relationships are- no clear-cut boundaries or forms- that they are layered- one could unravel, peel them off one by one, layer by layer. Any moment an acquaintance could be someone much more. One could delve deeper and deeper and discover a different level of companionship altogether. There could be several degrees of acquaintanceship. Gradually an acquaintance could evolve into a friend. There was no age bar. She had misjudged the human capacity for friendship at any stage in life. There was no simple, straight line to represent relationships. Acquaintance on one side and friend on the other. An “Acquaintance” involved several different levels of the formal, the informal, the familiar.

This deep philosophic reflection on changing relationships led her to her own life. While all the connections no doubt had great value, there were a few personal friendships she was supremely lucky to find so late in her life. A few stood out amongst them. She could identify some very, very special friends. And each one of them was so different from the other. So marvellous is the nature of friendship she thought.

There was Madam Shantha. An exemplary, charismatic lady! Such a source of inspiration! Setting an example for others with her ageless spirit. Her charm, unruffled poise, majesty was such joy to watch. The intellectual sharpness was so amazing. Sitting tirelessly, she would guide, mentor, small groups in cultural activities. A staunch Kannada advocate propagating its grandeur, she encouraged, motivated everyone to work for its growth. Gentle, genial, kind, hers was a true sophistication, of heart, mind and soul. Kavya instinctively felt drawn to her at their very first meeting . An indefinable extraordinary relationship, bonding had sprung up between them. A blend of high regard, respect, admiration and affection. To Kavya as to many others she was a Cultural Icon. The Youngest in spirit among the seniors in the community. A Super Woman! The superlatives in this pen picture were no exaggerations.

As Kavya sat full of happy, fond emotions, another, equally important figure came up before her. An unforgettable friend. A motherly figure. In fact, she was like a mother for the entire community. Caring, affectionate, warm hearted. With her sympathetic understanding and her sweet maternal smile of tenderness Mamtha, as she was aptly named, won everyone’s heart. Very talented. Excelled in play acting, dancing, singing. Her witty conversations sent many into gales of laughter. Though a total stranger Kavya was drawn to her from the very first day here. Mamtha had befriended her and put her at ease. Shaping the course of Kavya’s life Mamatha had provided a platform for some talents, skills within. An educationist with a vast, rich fund of experience in training, guiding youngsters, Mamtha’s role had been invaluable. A pillar of support!

Kavya’s friendship with Sangita was different. For a long time, Kavya hardly knew her- not even her name. A mere acquaintance whom she greeted with a very formal smile, or wave of the hand. Sangita was for long preoccupied with personal commitments, issues. She was a rather quiet person mingling with only a few. Kavya in fact thought she was aloof. In her spare time Sangita, an artist withdrew into the world of art. Kavya remembered this lack of bonhomie with an amused smile. If anyone had suggested to her they would be close friends she would perhaps have laughed outright. Now things had changed so much she found it difficult to believe. There was no specific point of time she could identify as the beginning of their friendship. Nor was there a definite way. It had happened gradually, imperceptibly. They were in some ways very different individuals. Yet they shared a few basic interests, view points. A few outings together, shopping, movies with a small group, holiday trips brought them together. They were buddies. Kavya fondly remembered how once again, like young girls they would discuss small details. On special occasions what to wear, what colour? At times naughty, they giggled like school girls over silly jokes. As the bonding grew stronger personal matters were shared. This was a friendship governed by maturity. Though quite close and personal, neither were there too many expectations nor too many demands. No pretence or attempt to impress. No mask. Mutual respect, affection, concern marked their relationship. They were now reluctant to go anywhere alone, so used were they to doing things together. Open to suggestions, guidance, they had their own clear-cut space, without any intrusions, staying clear of imposing personal opinions, views on each other.

The main thing was they were very comfortable together. Yet there was often frank, honest criticism exchanged between them. In fact, it was expected. It was a beautiful blossoming of friendship growing deeper and stronger. And to think they were total strangers before being a part of their senior community!

There were others in the inner circle of friends. Chaitra, a colourful person with whom Kavya and Sangita enjoyed chatting, laughing freely, at the table, Sree always sharing goodies, delicacies from her kitchen, Smita, Sitara and the exciting, joyous holiday trips with them. The Dr. in the community always there with free consultations, the talkative Aruna ever ready whenever help was required. With two friends the relationship acquired a different dimension of siblings. With innocent Vandana friendship deepened into mentorship. In times of difficulty there were so many shoulders to cry upon. Everyone was a part of the colourful fabric, tapestry of friendships enriching life. Kavya thought she least expected such companionship lighting up her senior years. A bonus! Sitting back in bliss Kavya believed would never be afraid of loneliness or any challenge in life cocooned as she was in the warmth of friendship enveloping her. The relationships, the true strong foundation of life had strengthened her from within, fortifying her. And she felt so blessed. Thought she couldn’t be sufficiently grateful to God for this bonanza, treasure house of relationships.